Sunday, November 14, 2010

Why I Hate Gwyneth Paltrow

Most people don't like Gwyneth Paltrow because she's had a life of ease. It's jealousy, pure and simple. But I have some more or less legitimate reasons to dislike the girl, and they have nothing to do with her fame, money or Coldplay's Chris Martin.

1. Pepper Potts (Iron Man series) - either the character is devoid of redeeming value or she is. I'm tending to think it's Paltrow.

2. Viola De Lesseps (Shakespeare in Love) - this horrible film basically throws the lie in my face that Shakespeare wasn't gay; this is the Shakespeare who wrote a bunch of lovely sonnets about a boy or two (Sonnet 18). And by the way, what a horrible film except for Dame Judi Dench. No way did Paltrow deserve an Oscar. At least it defeated my other un-favorite film and actor that year: Saving Private Ryan and Tom Hanks (what was with that super fake trembling hand routine?!).

3. Marge Sherwood (The Talented Mr Ripley) - Paltrow plays Dickie Greenleaf's somewhat snobby girlfriend and actually does such a great job that I hate her for it (perhaps it was easy because she was just playing herself). Marge strongly suspects that Ripley killed Dickie, and even escapes Tom's improvised plan to kill her. (Of course, I was cheering for Tom the whole way.) She is for obvious reasons unable to convince Dickie's father of her suspicions.

4. I'm sorry, can't she remedy the nasal voice?